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 5 Minute Management Course

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Duffy
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Duffy


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Motto: Bitch Please!
Best Meal =: Lunch

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PostSubject: 5 Minute Management Course   5 Minute Management Course I_icon_minitimeWed May 06, 2009 5:10 pm

Lesson 1:
>
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
> finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
>
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
> downstairs.
>
> When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door
> neighbor.
>
> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you
> $800 to drop that towel.'
>
>
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
> stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob
> hands her $800 and leaves.
>
>
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
> upstairs.
>
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who
> was that?'
>
> ' It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
>
>
> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
> about the $800 he owes me?'
>
>
>
> Moral of the story:
>
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and
> risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
> position to prevent avoidable exposure.
>
>
>
> Lesson 2:
>
>
> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
>
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal
> a leg.
>
> The priest nearly had an accident.
>
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
> her leg.
>
> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
> The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let
> his hand slide up her leg again.
> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
> 129?'
>
> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is
> weak.'
>
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on
> her way.
>
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
> Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you
> will find glory.'
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a
> great opportunity.
>
>
>
> Lesson 3:
>
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
> walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
>
> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
> wish.'
> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I
> want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a
> care in the world.'
> Puff! She's gone.
>
> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want
> to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal
> masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of
> my life.'
>
> Puff! He's gone.
>
> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>
> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office
> after lunch'
>
>
> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first say.
>
> Lesson 4
>
>
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
>
> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also
> sit like you and do nothing?'
> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
>
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
> rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
> rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
> very high up.
>
>
>
>
> Lesson 5
>
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>
> 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
> tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
> energy.'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
> droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with
> nutrients.'
>
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually
> gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
> tree.
>
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
> second branch.
>
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
> perched at the top of the tree.
>
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
> the tree.
>
>
> Moral of the story:
> Bull shat might get you to the top, but it won't keep
> you there..
>
>
>
> Lesson 6
>
>
> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
> cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large
> field.
>
> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some
> dung on him.
>
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he
> began to realize how warm he was.
>
> The dung was actually thawing him out!
>
> He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for
> joy.
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
> investigate.
>
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
> pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
>
> Morals of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
>
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shat is your
> friend.
>
> (3) And when you're in deep shat, it's best to keep
> your mouth shut!
>
>
> THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
> have enough of a sense of humor to laugh at it

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XiX LLAMA XiX
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XiX LLAMA XiX


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Motto: I will Devour your hearts and crap out your SOULS!!
Best Meal =: Breakfast

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PostSubject: Re: 5 Minute Management Course   5 Minute Management Course I_icon_minitimeWed May 06, 2009 8:27 pm

I thing I'm gonna save that and post it on the bulletin board for whatever my first job is.

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